As Pure As I Want To Be
by inkspiration
Summary: Ruby shouldn't go around snooping. Cryde one-shot.


**Warning: Clyde and Craig's dirty mouths and actions.**

* * *

I really shouldn't be doing this.

But then I tell myself, "They shouldn't be so oblivious."

Or maybe, i'm just really, really quiet. That seems to be the case. Apparently, my reputation as the invisible girl at school has seemed to follow me home.

It started earlier this evening. Clyde had come over to hang out with my ridiculous big brother, Craig. I don't see why that taco-eating boy even enjoys Craig's company. He's stoic, rude, completely humorless and straight up weird. Oh, yes, Craig actually _does_ have interests; thanks for fucking asking.

He likes dumb vintage things, including the following: "pin-up" girls, old comic books, and creepy horror movies from way back in the 1800's or something. He even has this ugly, ratty blanket with the threads hanging off the seam that has the really, really, _really_ old Red Racer comic panels on it. When he's nervous, he carries it around and twists the threads between his thumb and pointer finger and fucks up his skin with it. He's got rather ugly hands.

I picked up the hint before my parents did.

They played footsie under the table.

They touched each other's hands too much. Clyde would always run his finger over Craig's screwy skin.

That damn blanket was my first time seeing them like that. I was passing by the living room and noticed them both curled under it. Usually, I wouldn't give a shit, but this time, they were sitting at an awkward angle. From behind, I only saw a silhouette, the TV projecting a glow, it being the only source of light in the large room. At least from behind, it looked odd. Quickly, I had examined them from a different perspective, moving up the stairs almost silently as I peered down at them, and noticed that they were fucking _spooning_. I knew then they were together. Maybe secretly, but they were exclusive to each other and each other only. But that's not it.

One time, Clyde walked Craig to the door. I was looking out the window, waiting for these things called "underpants gnomes" my brother's friend Tweek told me about. Clyde had kissed Craig.

And now there's right now.

When Clyde knocked on the door, I was the one to answer it, looking the chubby boy over with a raised eyebrow.

He had a _flower_ in his hand. Obviously, it was meant for Craig, but he raised his eyebrows and said: "Thought you might like this!" and tucked it behind my ear. It was way too quick of an action and his voice cracked with that fake smile.

Clyde was wearing one of _Craig's_ shirts. Was.

I expected them to just stay in Craig's room (located right beside mine) and watch Dracula beneath that dumb blanket. They were, and I was completely content finishing this episode of Degrassi up to start my next one. I need to catch up on this season.

And, then... Oh, good God. Just when Eli and Clare were gonna kiss for the second time-

"Oh, _Clyde_."

I had never, ever, ever heard Craig use that voice ever. Sure, it still had that ugly, nasally ring to it... but there was something in that ugly ring that made my skin crawl and my heart beat. I'm a fourteen year old girl with no friends and my thoughts. Of course I got to have some action apart from my drawing and Degrassi. And I knew exactly what they were doing.

Leaving my room, I almost silently made my way to Craig's door. I wanted to catch them in the act, be a cockblocker, _bust_ them. I swung open the door, but they didn't notice.

I stayed silent as I watched Clyde's fucking head fucking bob in between my fucking brother's fucking legs.

And you can guess what my first thought was. _Fuck_.

You can take that simple word however you like. I'm not even sure what I was thinking myself. Was I happy they finally got together more than cuddles and kisses? Was I disgusted? I was more shocked than anything. I didn't know what to do.

Thankfully, my image wasn't too detailed. All I saw was Craig's neck tossed to the side, his back facing me as he sat on the edge of his race car bed, his ugly fingers tangled into the shiny brown hair of Clyde that smelled like feminine products and distracted our whole family when he ate with us. The scent was too strong, and then, at that moment, it was suffocating. Craig's tattoo between his shoulder blades reads, "I don't care" in curly, Victorian script. He wasn't even of legal age to get that! I learned a lot of new things about my brother today.

Backing away, I shut the door- not enough for them to hear, and padded back to my room, my face on fire as I returned to my sanctuary.

And here I am now, sitting in front of my desktop, though I really, _really_ shouldn't be doing this.

Taking a deep breath, I mute my computer and pause the episode, moving to my bed to slide under the soft covers. Reaching to the side, I pull the small string of beads that controls the light of my lamp, turning it off before resting my head on the pillow, gripping the sheets as I listen to them. God, our walls are so thin, and those noises are so enticing.

...Was that the word I meant to use? I've never cared about sexuality or relationships at all, and i'm pretty sure i'll fabulously die alone. That's fine with me though, really.

"Mm." "Ah." "Th-That mouth, Clyde." "I love- I love being with you."

Shutting my eyes, my breathing becomes erratic when I hear the next words.

"Stop, enough. I want you to fuck me."

Nasally voice.

What.

A laugh. "Already dude? Aren't you still sore?"

_What_. My eyes become larger. Craig isn't a virgin? Not only that, but he's had sex with another man? How? Craig is ugly as shit, with thick, dark eyebrows and greasy hair and his stupid hat and acne dotting his chin and those _hands_, for god's sake. What does someone as cheery and good-looking as Clyde (even if he's a bit on the chubby side) see in that distorted skeleton?

"Now, baby."

Baby? Growing used to this exchange of words, I let a small smile cross my too-big lips as I listen to Craig call his boyfriend (is that it?) pet names. That's almost cute, and only reserved for Stripe.

Stripe!

The poor thing is in there having to watch these too all hot and heavy!

I should save him. Quickly, I sit up and pull the blanket off before I hear a different exchange of words, this time from Clyde.

"I love you so much."

I stop dead in my tracks, chewing on my lip as I face the wall that separates my brother and I's rooms, the Chicago 2002 poster staring back at me in response.

There's silence. Oh no. For a moment, I think Craig is going to break Clyde's heart.

"...You know I do too." Oh, good. Good? I think it's good. There's some rustling on the other side and a noise that sounds like they're kissing. Sloppily. Gross, spit is nasty.

"I like it when you say the words." How cute.

I sit on the edge of my bed, looking down at my South Park Cows sweats as I listen to them continue to rub gums. "I love you too." There's some sincerity in his voice that i've never heard come from that sarcastic mouth before, and it makes my skin feel warm when I think of Clyde's reaction. He must be smiling like a retard, and that makes me smile like a retard.

Returning to my spot under my white blankets ("Don't get these, they're bad for that time of the month." "Aw, mom, please." "Don't give me that look- Stop. Ugh, fine.") I continue to listen to the couple exchange noises of kissing and slight moans.

"Are you trying to eat my ear?"

"Yeah."

"...Feels good."

There's a noise of agreement that comes from Clyde, and in the morning, if I see Craig without an ear, i'm gonna give him the most smug look he'll ever receive. The kissing noises continue, and Clyde let's out a loud moan. "I want your cock! Now!"

"Shut up!" Craig hisses, but I can hear the smile in his voice- something that doesn't happen often, if at all.

"I'm trying..."

"Ruby's right ne-"

"Ah! _Craig_! I thought _I_ was fucking _y_-"

"Inside voices."

At my name, I giggle quietly, but at Craig's tone in the last few words, I can feel my heart stop. That didn't even sound like him, and Clyde does as he said. That voice could make Kristen Stewart grin.

I never knew Craig could be so charming. It's sickening, but i'm glad Clyde is happy. There's a few grunts and then-

"...Ready?" The nasal voice is back.

No, Craig, no i'm not ready to hear you fuck your brains out.

"Yeah."

Clyde, you traitor.

Moans ensue.

"Can I hold o- fuck- can I hold onto you?" Why would the brunette even need to ask? There's a few breathy sighs coming from Craig and I guess he nods because Clyde says quieter: "Thank you."

Oh god, oh sweet Jesus. This is way too baffling. I can already feel my heart race and my hands travel to not so pure areas.

"Harder."

Clyde, this is not helping. My face is blood warm like ocean water and i'm sure this is just a lovely, awful, terrible, amusing dream. I knew they were together, but-

_Thump_.

Shit. What was that? _Thump_, _thump_. ...Are they? They're fucking rocking the bed! Into _my_ wall! Clyde, do something! Tell Craig to stop!

"_Harder_. Fuck me harder!"

...Not cool, fat boy.

Oh god. I need to stop this right now. Reaching over to my night stand, I feel around blindly for my outdated MP3 and Captain America ear buds that Tweek gave to me. Tweek's obsession with Captain America is not healthy, but that's another story. I plug the ear buds into the portable music player and turn up the volume all the way before playing some Lenka. Come on, Lenka, raise your voice, I can still-

"...Clyde, god, you're tight."

No, dude, do not let me know that. I would like to keep the knowledge of Clyde's asshole's business out of my brain, thank you very much. Nonetheless, my stupid, perverted part of my brain tells me to turn 'Like A Song' down as I continue to listen to them, so I do. This is wrong, this is not right. But i've never been one to follow ethics.

"Ah, ah, Craig, there! Again..."

"God, I love your body. I love your everything."

So Craig is a chubby chaser? Interesting.

Covering my head with the blankets, I try to work out what i'm feeling. I'm thinking there's these three little sections that categorize my feelings. One being the part singing and chanting "blackmail!" Then, there's this little 'tsk, tsk' part, that's telling me how very wrong this is. And then, there's this overwhelming part that's saying I love this, and i'm happy for Craig. It's the one heating my face up and making me tingly inside.

"Have you always been this cute?" That was Clyde.

"...I could say the same." Craig says this through moans in between his lust-drenched words, and the _thumping_ gets a bit louder. But god, that was so sappy it could be a tree.

"Craig- I'm gonna-"

"Me too."

That makes me spring up in my bed, the blood rushing to my face, feeling like the Caribbean sea once more. I pull off my ear buds and listen closely, ignoring the thumping in my heart sounding much too familiar to the 'tsk'-ing. I tell it to shut up as I listen carefully, the thin walls censoring hardly anything at all.

"Ah!"

"Shit!"

Heavy breathing everywhere. The thumping stops.

I plug my ear buds back in and lay back on the squishy pillow. There's blackness from the cold winter, the moon not projecting any light, and panting and Lenka and I fall asleep.

* * *

Snoring wakes me up. It's around six in the morning, and frankly, I can't stand to be in my own room anymore, despite not wanting to leave the comfort of the warm bed. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I look out the window. The sun is barely over the mountain's horizon and a light snow is falling. I sigh and cringe at my morning breath, but ignore it as I pull on my black fluffy socks and Token's The Vines t-shirt that he left over and got mixed up with my laundry. The boy's so fit, it's even tight on me. Padding downstairs, I slip on the hard wood steps and have to grab the railing to regain balance, getting my mother's attention. Although her eyes are tired, she looks nice in her work clothes, sipping from a mug of coffee.

"You alright there?" she asks.

I nod and walk towards her, hugging her tightly. God, I just need to know someone in my family is normal. She opens a drawer with her free hand, the other one wrapped around my back and she pulls out a pink hair-band, trying my frizzy, red hair up in a top knot.

I smile appreciatively and pull away to pour myself a cup of coffee, drinking it black like I always do.

"You sleep well?" I ask, looking at the dark circles under her eyes.

"Ruby, I know you like to dance to your music, but please don't stomp so loud so late. All that banging kept me up." Once, mom walked into my room while I was dancing to Fall Out Boy. She's never let me live it off. But i'll take it for now. I almost laugh, so I suck in my full lips and bite them to keep myself from doing so. I nod. Haha. _Banging_.

She kisses my head one more time before exiting with a small 'bye', which I reply with a 'drive safe', her pale trench coat pulled around her pretty teal dress. I take a seat on the couch, flipping through the channels, settling on Jersey Shore. The 'tsk'-ing comes back, and honestly, I don't blame it this time. My taste in shows are ridiculous, i'll admit it.

At around eight, i'm still watching the stupid show and have replaced my coffee with Jasmine Tea. At that time, Craig trots down the stairs, his hair dripping wet. He's sporting red plaid pajama pants and a vintage Kodak camera advertisement t-shirt. His ear is in-tact. Then, Clyde approaches behind him, smelling like a very womanly rose, wearing his boxers and a Yardale sweatshirt, which is fucking ridiculous. Clyde's too stupid to go to a prestigious school like that. The only one who's ever gone that currently resides in South Park is Gregory, and he's already graduated, though he's only seventeen. He has the wealth of a king and wears the clothes of a god. His Gucci makes all the girls swoon, though everyone pegs that he's doing 'Ze Mole', similar to what Clyde and Craig were doing just last night.

Two feet away from me.

Oh good _God_.

"Jersey Shore? Really?" Craig asks. I flip him off, and he returns the gesture. The two teens approach the fridge, thinking i'm not watching them, but out of the corner of my eye, I am. Craig's hand is rubbing the small of Clyde's back lightly, and a smile is on both of their faces. The happy part of my little mixed feeling ball was right. I don't care, this doesn't concern me. As long as my big brother is happy.

They both take a seat at the breakfast table, Craig chewing his toast at an incredibly slow rate, taking small, delicate bites as Clyde shovels Fruity Pebbles into his mouth. It's annoying- how both of them eat. God, now i'm conscious of how they _eat_ too? I just like them together so much.

I don't even understand what's happening. This doesn't concern me.

"God, this show is dumb," Craig comments in his monotone voice. I turn to him and shake my head.

"I like it," Clyde supplies with a shrug, looking up to the screen, where The Situation is talking in his heavy accent.

A moment of comfortable silence passes before Craig mumbles, "I like you," to Clyde. And you know what? The one part of my feelings that was crying out 'blackmail!' wasn't so wrong either.

"I like your tattoo," I smirk, looking at their bewildered faces before turning around and watching two big-breasted girls pull each other's hair out in teased clumps over eye make-up.

* * *

**Author's note: **

**First of all, I wanna thank you for reading this garbage. I don't even know why I wrote it. But it would be lovely if you reviewed! **

**Second of all, if you are one of my old readers, I want to apologize for deleting my old Creek fic. I know, i'm a terrible person. But I had no inspiration. Although, I may have an idea for a new fic, if anyone wants to read any more of this amateur junk. **

**Thank you for reading! Apologies for any grammar mistakes. Critique is welcomed and taken with respect and high consideration. **


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